After 18 years of using the word “we” more often than “I,” finding my way back to my own identity was overwhelming. And even though rediscovering yourself is a slow, uncomfortable process—full of shadow work, painful honesty, courage, and confronting your demons—you can make the journey gentler by creating healthier conditions for yourself. Here are the 10 routines that saved me when my world fell apart.
Even though I had been preparing myself mentally to leave for months (and honestly, for years), I still wasn’t ready for all the consequences. (Here I wrote a bit more about it)The day I finally said out loud that my marriage no longer worked for me—that I was done—I felt an enormous wave of relief… and at the same time, total disorientation.
I introduced many small habits into my daily life. They helped me finally take care of myself and gave me the mental space I desperately needed to walk into this new chapter with more clarity and less chaos.
I want to share them with you. Of course, what worked for me won’t be perfect for everyone. For some, these things will seem obvious; for others, impossible. For me—as a mother, a wife, and a multitasking machine responsible for everything and everyone except myself—these habits were revelations. They were proof that it was finally my turn to receive attention, softness, and care.
Here is what helped me through the hardest time:
1. Tracking my body’s needs instead of guessing
Healthy habits aren’t easy. Unless you studied nutrition or medicine, most of it isn’t intuitive. We’re constantly bombarded with contradictory information, which makes it easy to give up or do things that actually harm us.
So, as a birthday present to myself right before summer, I bought a smartwatch. Tracking my sleep, heart rate, and stress levels helped me understand my body so much better. I learned how to support myself instead of fighting myself—how to rest properly and how to calm my nervous system before it completely crashed.
2. Investing in a gym membership (yes, the expensive one)
My second gift to myself was a gym membership. A nice gym. And yes—the price absolutely increases my motivation to show up regularly.
A place where you feel good, where trainers want to help you reach your goals, and where you can actually monitor your progress makes a massive difference. I always hated cardio (I was one of those girls who would fake any excuse to skip PE in school). But over the last few months, I fell in love with strength training. Cardio is still an obligation, but watching myself lift heavier weights every week—and seeing my body become less soft and more resilient—is the ultimate motivator.
3. Eating like someone I actually care about
No, you don’t have to become a gym freak or count calories as a hobby.
But you do need to treat yourself with the same kindness you show your kids. If you limit their sweets because you care—why don’t you do the same for yourself?
This isn’t about becoming an ascetic monk and living on roots. It’s about balance. Let healthy meals dominate your plate, and let the little treats stay… well, little. Make them rewards instead of habits.
Small changes matter:
– measuring oil with a spoon,
– cooking more often at home,
– adding colorful vegetables,
– choosing a protein bar over a candy bar.
Tiny steps. Quiet discipline. You’ll see and feel the difference.
4. Understanding my menstrual cycle (finally, at 37)
Yes, I know. It’s embarrassing that I ignored it for so long. But once I downloaded an app and started tracking moods, spotting, pain, cravings, and energy levels, I finally understood my body.
Now I know when I actually need chocolate, and when skipping the gym is self-care, not laziness.
5. Being less of my own worst critic
When you’re demanding by nature, it’s easy to live in the role of your harshest judge. Never enough. Never good enough. Always should be doing more.
But when you understand your body and your mind, you realize:
– it’s not laziness, it’s PMS
– it’s not weakness, it’s lack of sleep
– it’s not a terrible personality, it’s stress and exhaustion
You can still aim high, but now with compassion, trust, and softness.
6. Learning how to rest without guilt
If you grew up in a home where rest was never modeled, laziness becomes a sin. Sitting on the couch for half a day feels wrong.
But once you understand your body, you learn to rest intentionally.
If today you crush a gym session—tomorrow you walk, shop, stretch, or watch your favorite show guilt-free. Because it’s part of the plan.
7. Evening rituals that feel like a hug
I never go to bed with makeup on.
I massage argan oil into my chest and décolleté so I don’t wake up “creased.”
I dry-brush my legs while lying in bed.
These rituals prepare my mind for sleep. They signal safety, calm, and closure.
8. No phone 20 minutes before bed + journaling
Before turning off the lights, I write a few sentences about my day. Not a novel—just a reflection. Days blur together so easily. Journaling forces me to pause, notice, and appreciate the small things.
9. Owning my evenings again
Since my ex-husband moved out, my evenings belong entirely to me. No compromises, no silent negotiations, no guilt.
Now I invest this time into real conversations—deep ones—with my sons or my friends. I didn’t realize how important consistent relationships are until I neglected them for years. Watching those connections blossom again makes me deeply grateful.
10. Celebrating tiny, everyday victories
Going to the gym when you didn’t feel like it.
Walking 10k steps without noticing.
Flossing before bed.
These little wins matter. Life isn’t built from grand moments. We give each day its meaning by noticing the small ones.
I was never a spiritual person. I’m practical, grounded, realistic. But lately, practicing mindfulness and protecting my inner peace have become small acts of everyday survival—and surprising sources of strength.